~ If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. (Unknown Author)
~I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. (Fannie Lou Hamer)
~ Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. (Rita Mae Brown)
~ Be careful when you love, You must use your heart and not your mind, because there is a saying that "NEVERMIND".
~ Love is an ocean of emotions surrounded by expenses. (Lord Dewar)
~ If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.
~ The road to success is always under construction.
~ Everybody wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die.
~ Average women rather have beauty than brains coz average man see better than he can think.
~ What do you call for dogs with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
~ If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
~ I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. (Jack Handey)
~ Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. (Christopher Morley)
~When I read the danger of smoking, I stopped smoking. When I read the danger of drinking, I stopped drinking. But when I read the danger of sex, Damn! I stopped reading.
~ Girls are like phones, they love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you will be disconnected.
~ Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
~ Man invested language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
~ The man who smiles when something goes wrong has thought of someone else to blame it on.
~ Life is a sexually transmitted disease and there is 100% mortality rate. (R.D. Laing)
~ You can't have everything... where would you put it? (Steven Wright)
~ Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.
~All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. (Jane Wagner)
~An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. (William Castle)
~Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. (P.D. East)
~I love deadlines. Especially the whooshing sound they make as they pass by.(Douglas Adams)
~A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.(Doug Larson)
~I can resist everything except temptation. (Oscar Wilde)
~ A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. (Arthur McBride Bloch)
~ To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation. (E.W. Howe)
~ Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. (Author Unknown)
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